Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
