***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
