I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
there's paper in my vomit.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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