just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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