i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
