Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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