well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
