Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
