Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
