i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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