youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
