We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
