you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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