i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
