Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
