I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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