is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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