I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
