Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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