The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
