I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
