I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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