i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
