You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
