Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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