shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
as a side note pls kill me
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
