True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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