she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
