Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
