if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
