he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
