i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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