but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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