My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
