So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
