last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
