when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
