I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
