it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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