I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
