it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
