At least make sure they are 18
Why
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
