I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Duck Duck Cougar?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
