I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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