am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
