then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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