At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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