i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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