hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
