Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
