I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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