i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
