I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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