I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
