I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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