my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
